To a woman who changed my life
To a woman who changed my life,
I’ve always believed that the people who come and go in your life leave an imprint on your journey, even if it’s the smallest of marks.
Throughout my wandering, I’ve come across all walks of life. From the positive, uplifting souls that help me sore, to the challenging, and emotionally imposing hearts that break me down. I’ve experienced them all, but never in my thirty-two years on this planet, did I think one single woman would change everything I ever planned for myself.
I’m human, selfish at times, borderline neurotic, and always constantly trying to avoid the dark tunnel of self-doubt.
Am I good enough?
Can I do this?
Will they love me?
Will they accept me?
These thoughts were on constant replay in my head leading up to the moment that you put him in my arms, the moment you stepped back, and told me it was my turn.
My turn to be a mom.
I was terrified. I was emotionally distraught and exhausted. I fell into whirlwind of uncertainty, if I made the right decision, if I actually thought I could handle taking care of another life.
And I did. With the help of my loving wife, my incredible family and friends, I was lifted up and encouraged to step into a role I never thought I would fulfill; I became a mom.
I thought this was it, the pinnacle of my being. I was put on this earth to be this boy’s mommy, to teach him silly made up songs, read to him as his head rests on my shoulder, and watch in awe as he forms a beautiful bond with the love of my life.
I was fulfilled.
And then . . . I started having dreams. There was a little girl in them. She was perfect, looked just like my son. She would laugh, jump into my arms and hug me with those little arms wrapped tightly around my neck. I would wake up confused, feeling empty for a moment before I shook it off. These dreams came and go, but they didn’t become a reality until you called.
At first I was angry, I wasn’t ready for such a change, I wasn’t sure there was room in my heart for another little one. We were set, we were a family of three, we had no plans of expansion. And then you said you wouldn’t go through with it if we didn’t take her . . .
We knew in that moment there was no choice in the matter; we were adding to our family.
It took me some self-reflection and long nights with a heavy heart, a spinning mind, a plethora of ramped emotions, to reach a place of acceptance. And from there, my heart began to grow, it began to expand, and hope began to brew for this new adventure.
People come and go, friendships sometimes don’t last, family are in and out, but there will always be a constant in my life and that’s you because you are the person who gave me a son and a daughter.
You are the person who changed my life forever in the most beautifully challenging and fulfilling way.
Once again, thank you. You filled a hole I never knew existed deep inside of me and for the first time, I can finally say, I’m complete.